The following is the fourth chapter from “Turn Everything to Love, a rule of life for lay members of the Vincentian Family” by Father Bob Maloney, CM.

The Kingdom of God is peace in the Holy Spirit. God will reign in you if your heart is at peace.

SVI, 114

Everyone lives out a significant portion of life as a single young man or woman, seeking the Lord in that state and attempting to discern what direction to take in an uncertain future. Some choose to remain single for life. Others stay single for a considerable time as they search for a marriage partner; this period is often quite lengthy, since the age at which young people marry is now rising in most parts of the world. Still others continue in the single state not by inclination, but because of a variety of circumstances, sometimes freely chosen or sometimes quite unwanted. And still others marry but become single again because of the death of a spouse or a broken marriage.

Today we speak too of “single parents,” though their vocation is different from that of those who remain completely single and it shares aspects of both the married and the single life.

The single vocation has its beauty and its burdens. Like all vocations, it is not an end in itself, but a way of self-giving.

Its beauty lies in the unique opportunities it offers. It allows abundant time, freedom, and flexibility to ex­plore multiple possibilities for giving oneself in the service of others. The single person is mobile, since he or she has not established a fixed bond with a commu­nity of persons, as those who are married do. For that reason, the single vocation demands careful, ongoing discernment about how to give one’s life.

The single also have the opportunity for consider­able solitude, especially if they live alone. This solitude invites them to focus on God in prayer.

But like all vocations, the single life has its burdens. Loneliness is one of them. The challenge for the single is to find healthy ways of moving beyond loneliness to self-giving involvement with others. Since they will not be generating new life in children, it is crucial that those who choose the single state know how it will generate life and how they will hand on God’s gifts to those around them. The possibilities are many: teaching, the healing professions, artistic contributions, research, writing, direct service to those in need. A second burden is the lack of a built-in support system. This vacuum challenges the single person to build friendships that will contribute to a healthy environment for growth. While friends are important for everyone, they are all the more important for the single. The various lay branches of our Vincentian Family can offer friendship and support to the single whether young, middle-aged, or older.

It is imperative that those who are single because of unwanted circumstances or a broken relationship avoid bitterness and alienation. Jesus assures us that God provides, even in trying times. He encourages us to pray for those who have hurt us. As we ask God’s blessing on them, the healing blessing of the Lord will descend upon us. We are truly blessed when love and forgiveness supplant hostility and anger.

Youth is a time of learning. It has a remarkable plasticity about it. The life of the young changes quickly and at times dramatically. The positive side of this plasticity is the youth’s capacity to adjust, be formed, and grow.

Young people long to know how to love. The search for significant relationships occupies a huge space on their agenda. At the same time, many are drawn toward transcendence. They begin to yearn for a love that goes beyond their everyday experience of love.

A synod of the world’s bishops wrote this rousing message to the young:

The church calls the young to sing a wake-up song in the world, as did the sentinel in the ancient world who stood on the city wall eager to catch the first glimpse of the rising sun and proclaim its arrival. Of course, in a Christian worldview, the rising sun whom we proclaim is Jesus, the Risen Lord. Our Vincentian Family’s youth groups will offer the young a gradually deepening formation in the following of Christ, friendship and support in doing so, and concrete opportunities to serve Christ in the person of the poor.

Young people, in their formative years in their family, at school, or with their peers, should seek to be deeply confident in the presence of the Risen Lord and develop a profoundly gospel-centered spirituality. This is especially possible in a family whose members have that same confidence in the Lord and support one another in living his life.

In their later years, many who had once been married find themselves single again. Ideally, peaceful serenity, joyful confidence, ongoing conversion, and frequent prayer will characterize this final stage of life. Of course, the evangelical challenge is to continue to grow in practical, outgoing love. Here too our Vincentian lay associations can offer rich opportunities.

It is wonderful to see aging people who continue to be creative and retain a young heart. For single aging people, the later years offer a special opportunity to develop the contemplative and service dimensions of their person. It is also a time for reconciliation with the past, for healing wounds, for letting go of unrealized dreams, and for assessing the reality of their life. The word “single” means “unique;” it also means “alone.” The single life is unique because it is not easily categorized; it allows for multiple possibilities for the gift of oneself. Single means “alone” in the sense that, whether by choice or circumstance, the single walk in the way of the Lord without a spouse. Prayerful intimacy with the Lord will help heal the pain of aloneness and make the single life fertile and deep.

to maintain a discerning posture throughout life, from their initial search for a career as a young person, through a service-oriented adulthood, and into the later years when they enjoy freer moments and have new choices to make

to develop a sense of their unique personal vocation and the ways in which the Lord calls them to give

to nourish the contemplative dimension of life, taking time for quiet prayer, avoiding temptation to flee from loneliness through long hours of watching TV, surfing the web, or employing other time-killers that have limited, or even negative, value

to form healthy friendships that will provide human support and strengthen their life in the Lord