The following is the third chapter from “Turn Everything to Love, a rule of life for lay members of the Vincentian Family” by Father Bob Maloney, CM.

God calls most men and women to marry, to make a covenant with their spouse to work out their holiness together. Married couples pledge to love one another as Christ loved the Church, with a love that is sacrifi­cial, forgiving, service-oriented, and faithful unto death. By their lives they witness to the Trinitarian rev­elation that God is communion and that we discover God whenever and wherever we give ourselves over to communion.

Over the centuries, many husbands and wives from all strata of society have become Saints. Some have been canonized most have not. At the head of the list are Mary and Joseph, who supported their family from the earnings of a woodworkers shop. Priscilla and Aquila the founders of the Church of Ephesus, labored as tentmakers. Justinian (482-565) and Theodora, saints in the Orthodox tradition, served as emperor and empress. Isidore of Madrid and Maria de la Cabeza (12th Century) toiled as farmers. Countless other married couples, never canonized, have followed these saints on the road to holiness. Such saintly couples have abounded in our Vincentian Family. Three of the founders of our largest branches—Louise de Marillac, Elizabeth Ann Seton, and Frederic Ozanam – were married and loved their spouses deeply. Numerous husbands and wives in our Family serve the poor generously today.

Married life is the vocation in which most Christians grow holy or fail to do so. Ironically, some spouses become saints in spite of their husband or wife, or precisely because of the difficulties created by their partner, but that is by no means the Christian ideal. The ideal is that a husband and wife walk the Christian journey together. Their pilgrimage is a joint project, though ultimately neither husband nor wife can shirk personal responsibility for responding to God’s gift of holiness.

Couples should often recall the beautiful name that Vatican II used when it described the family as ”the domestic Church.” Like the Church, the family is a community in which the gospel is handed on, from spouse to spouse and from parents to children. From them it radiates out to others by the household’s example of unity and love.

Daily life is the stuff of which holiness is made.

being genuine lovers living together in intimate friendship

communicating well between themselves and with their children

being sensitive to each other’s emotional, physical, and spiritual needs and learning how to express their love in ways that will meet those needs

recognizing their own human weakness as well as their spouse’s and helping one another to grow

forgiving and being reconciled, even on a daily basis

dealing with conflicts promptly through humble dialogue rather than defensive argumentation

valuing the differences God has given to them and learning how to capitalize on those differences to make their marriage fruitful

managing their household and its finances in a way that minimizes stress

A family meal, eaten together daily, can be a rich time of communication and presence to one another. It is important for parents and children, whenever pos­sible, to arrange their schedules to join in a family meal rather than let life’s other demands continually dictate when and how they eat. In the spirit of the gospels, the family should begin that meal with a prayer invoking the Lord’s blessing and recalling the Eucharistic meal that binds us together. There are many such prayers, such as: “God, the Father of mercies, you willed that your Son would take flesh in order to give life back to us. Bless + these your gifts with which we are about to nourish our bodies, so that, receiving new strength, we may wait in watchfulness for the glorious coming of Christ. We ask this in his name. R. Amen.”

Occasionally, it will be helpful for parents to eat by themselves and dialogue about their life together in an atmosphere of trusting love.

In conjunction with their other obligations, all in the family can share in chores like cooking, washing dishes, cleaning, and other household work. Prayer together as a family at some time each day will enrich the lives of spouses and will also teach their children to pray. Families might wish to pray the rosary together, or a psalm like Ps. 91, or simply an Our Father or Hail Mary. The members of the family can help one another to learn to pray not only at times of formal prayer, but also in free quiet moments, like times of waiting or driving in the car or traveling by train or air.

Time together is a treasure that families can easily lose if members become too absorbed in their work, or if they give too much time to television, the phone or the computer. Turning off TVs and cell phones as a family eats and converses can be a blessing for all. Healthy families have fun and find occasions for going out together, vacationing as a family, and enjoying one another’s company.

Hobbies enrich a family’s life. Activities like walking or other forms of exercise, reading, listening to music, and seeing films together provide diversion, enjoyment, and interesting conversation. Loving parents will often accompany children as they participate in sports, scouts, plays, and other events.

In a society characterized by individualism, it is crucial to foster family unity by preserving traditional ways and inventing new ways of handing on to future generations a capacity for living together in love. The family itself is a school of practical love where members learn to care for elderly grandparents, a sick child, or a troubled brother or sister, and where they seek to heal brokenness.

Lay members of the Vincentian Family will live, pray and serve others not only in their own domestic church,” but also in a local church and in the universal church. Aware of their membership in a universal church, they will develop a global point of view. They will be conscious that the ocean’s waves break on other shores where many of the world’s poorest people -women, children, and refugees – live and labor. This will help them to be creative in finding ways to assist the neediest.

Pope John Paul II presented us with an eloquent challenge: “This century and the Millennium now beginning will need to see … to what length of dedication the Christian community can go in charity toward the poorest. If we have truly started out afresh from the contemplation of Christ, we must learn to see him especially in the face of those with whom he himself wished to be identified apostrophe I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty you gave me drink … ‘ (Mt 25: 35 FF). This gospel texts is not a simple invitation to charity: it is a page of Christology which sheds a ray of light on the mystery of Christ.”

Families can respond to this challenge together by their volunteering as a group at a center for senior citi­zens, for example, or at a shelter for the homeless, or by caring for a home-bound neighbor. A family’s care for others in need is a way of sharing the gifts that God has given it. In such a context, life at home can be a genuine “school of service” for the young.